Amanda Michelle Todd

I have nobody, I need someone.

The aroma of inauthenticity surrounds the suicide of Amanda Todd; a fifteen year old girl lured into exposing her goods onto the Internet at age twelve. In her case, it turned deadly because she could not bear under the natural ramifications of this and other youthful indiscretions. This is not an unsympathetic statement. However, empathy doesn’t preclude truth.

The whitewash from most journalistic reports fails to mention her attempt to win over a boyish rake, while his girlfriend was on vacation. It lessens the martyrolatry that some would like to build in the name of an anti-bullying agenda. It is too conveniently unbecoming for the mother, Ms. Carol Todd, to talk about leading a campaign against bullying, barely four days after her daughter’s suicide. It sounds like pre-emptive strike against possible social opprobrium, for reasons that we know not why.

They apparently loved her at the Coquitlam Alternate Basic Education secondary school; according to teacher Leah Pells.1 I suppose that accounts for the continuing taunts. They must have been love bites by her adorers. And of course, the advocacy groups, all look for angles to exploit this tragedy to advance their sociopolitical agendas. NDP MP Dany Morin leads the charge with, no doubt, his pre-prepared private bill to unleash at the opportune occasion.

The only thing approaching authenticity is the girl’s Youtube statement itself.

I’m struggling to stay in this world, because everything just touches me so deeply. I’m not doing this for attention. I’m doing this to be an inspiration and to show that I can be strong. I did things to myself to make pain go away, because I’d rather hurt myself then someone else. Haters are haters but please don’t hate, although im sure I’ll get them. I hope I can show you guys that everyone has a story, and everyones future will be bright one day, you just gotta pull through. I’m still here aren’t I ? –AmandaTodd

“I’ve decided to tell you about my never ending story,”
“In 7th grade I would go with friends on webcam, meet and talk to new people.”
“Then got called stunning, beautiful, perfect etc. They wanted me to flash. So I did…”
“Then wanted me to flash… So I did one year later…”
“I got a msg on facebook.”
“From him… Don’t know he he knew me…”
“It said… if you don’t put on a show for me I send ur boobs.”
“He knew my adress, school, relatives, friends family names.”
“Christmas break…” Source:

“Knock at my door at 4
It was the police… my photo was sent to everyone.
I then got really sick and got…
Anxiety major depression panic disorder
I then moved and got into Drugs & Alcohol
My anxiety got worse… couldn’t go out
A year past and the guy came back with my new list of friends and school. But made a facebook page.
My boobs were a profile pic…
Cried every night, lost all my friends and respect
people had from me… again…
Then nobody liked me
name calling, judged…
I can never get that Photo back
It’s out there forever…
I started cutting…
I promised myself never again…
Didn’t have any friends and I sat at lunch alone
So I moved Schools again….
Everything was better even though I stills at alone
At lunch in the library everyday
After a month later I started talking to an old guy friend
We back and fourth texted and he started to say he…
Liked me… Led me on
He had a girlfriend
Then he daid come over my gf’s on vacation
So I did… huge mistake
He hooked up with me…
I thought he like me…
1 week later I get a text get out of your school.
His girlfriend and 15 others came including hiself…
The girls and 2 others just said look around nobody likes you
Infront of my new School (50) people…
A guy than yelled just punch her already
So she did… she threw me to the ground a punched me several times
Kids filmed it. I was all alone and left on the ground.
I felt like a joke in this world… I thought nobody deserves this
I was alone.. I like and said it was my fault and my idea.
I didn’t want him getting hurt, I thought he really like me
but he just wanted the sex… Someone yelled punch her already.
Teachers ran over but I just went and layed in a ditch and my dad found me.
I wanted to die so bad… when he brought me home I drank bleach…
It killed me inside and I thought I was gonna actully die.
Ambulence came and brought me to the hospital and flushed me.
After I got home all I saw was on facebook – She deserved it, did you wash the mud out of your hair? – I hope shes dead.
nobody cared.. I moved away to another city to my moms.
another school… I didn’t wanna press charges because I wanted to move on
6 months has gone by… people are posting pics of bleach clorex and ditches.
tagging me… I was doing alot better too. They said…
She should try a different bleach. I hope she dies this time and isn’t so stupid.
Why do I get this? I messed up buy why follow me.
They said I hope she sees this and kills herself..
Why do I get this? I messed up but why follow me.
I left your guys city… Im constanty crying now..
Everyday I think why am I still here?
My anxiety is horrible now. never went out this summer
All from my past.. lifes never getting better.. cant go to school
meet or be with people… constanly cutting. Im really depressed
Im on anti depressants now and councelling and a month ago this summer
I overdosed … In hospital for 2 days.
Im stuck.. whats left of me now… nothing stops
I have nobody …
I need someone
my name is Amanda Todd”

In her own words is admission of youthful follies, drug and alcohol abuse, physical effacement, mental and emotional distress and desperation. It was far more revealing than the pubescent breasts that she flaunted at the flattering pedophile and blackmailer. What is haunting by her truthful confession and attitude was that she was so very redeemable!

As societies morally decay, tell-tale signs of that decay abound, though not likely to be picked up on by the chattering elites. Quality of thought and culture degenerates into vulgarity and irrationality. Selfishness and narcissism breeds alienation, isolation and loneliness. If everybody wants but no one gives, who is there to satisfy the wants; except through Randian mercenary transactions? A litigatious society is barometer of faithlessness. Crudity, meanness and brutality burgeon from the bottom. Unscrupulous cunning proliferates at the top. Negligence and indifference sprawls downward from elites, who have turned their backs on their neighbours; consequently finding themselves needing to hide behind gated communities, wondering why their hired help are disloyal and apathetic. This indifference sometimes comes packed with moralistic and capitalistic self-righteousness.

These realities hardly register among the top echelons of opinion. Isolated in physical, social and cultural, cosmopolitan cocoons, they are blind to the subterranean forces that are undermining the societal facade from bottom up. If aware at all, theirs is mostly disdain. Occasionally, one perceptive wag like, Peggy Noonan (WSJ), will express a faint apprehension of the rumblings from beneath. And superficiality of mind will promulgate simple-minded analysis and solutions to events and problems; often wide of the mark. Amanda Todd is case in point.

Bullying, in the final analysis, bears minor cause in this girl’s suicide. Yes. Mocking taunts and mean-spirited scorn were incessantly tossed at her in both reality and virtuality. However, this is and has been the predominant way of the world, universally and historically. Spartan society made civic and military virtue out of brutality and cunning. Roman mores were similarly brusque and harsh, except for a brief couple of centuries amongst the upper class effetes.

Kindness, gentleness, genuine concern for the other, elements of altruism; predominantly Christian virtues; their predominance is not normative in human history. Genteel 19th Century Britain and America’s Age of Innocence has long come to an end. We dwell in an uncouth; an intellectually and culturally illiterate age, with dearth of intellectual and moral integrity, vision, creativity and concern for the common good.

I observe in my children’s generation, a widening chasm between an effeminate metrosexual culture that prevails amongst the up and coming; against a deepening coarseness and brutality of a growing lower class. This is not to suggest that the upper echelons are immune to vileness. They are just subtler as to how they catch and crush their prey; utilizing the organs of civil society rather than methods apart from it.

I have more acquaintance with the underside of society than the topside. I have been guest and worked for those with industrialized kitchens in their luxury apartments; which they hardly know how to use. At the same time, I have needed to take job positions and dwell amongst barely coherent grunts. One of my children associates with the lawyers and doctors. Another is attempting to escape from the riffraff of Orangeville. What I recollect and observe is that the lower echelons are rapidly declining and falling off the edge, not only in their economic welfare, disguised by ever increasing indebtedness; but in their personal attitude and conduct. Amanda Todd’s academic struggle placed her in the Basic stream of education. It is a more brutal class of people; very detrimental for one with tender sensitivities.

In this light, it almost constitutes child abuse not to prepare one’s offspring to the moral and social climate of our times. It is one thing to inspire our young to noble and cultivated aspirations and visions. However much we aspire to move the world into the vision, we desire it to be; such desire must be conditioned with how the world really is. All too many 20 – 30 year olds exit the schools, with la-la land expectations of reality; let alone naïve gullibility about the mendacity and venality, permeating our society. Those diagnosed with mental disorders in their late teens and early twenties might be found, with honest science, to be victims of shock at the variance between their subjective perceptions of what is, with what is.

The world is harsh and growing harsher as times becomes less bountiful and more economically constrained. And Amanda was unprepared by her parents; who were either so self-absorbed with their own lives or clueless about preparing their daughter for objective reality. However, one cannot dispense great criticism upon the parents. If they prove to be genuinely loving parents; the Lord knows how many sleepless hours in the wee hours, they will ruminate whether they could have done things differently. Nevertheless, if Norm Todd is genuine, expecting a failing system of educational hirelings to vigilantly protect one’s child’s interest is half-witted at best.

“I have nobody, I need someone.” How can such a girl say this if her parents were truly there for her? Failing to advocate and pursue with fierce and ferocious vigilance and determination, even by unlawful means; the elimination of the original source of horror and pain of one’s supposedly beloved daughter, emits an odour of parental callousness, cowardice or cluelessness. I have had to fight schools, universities, arrogant doctors, psychiatrists and wife to protect my children from the bullying of bureaucrats; even being an utter prick about it. Perhaps I have had more personal success than expected. Nevertheless, even were I or any parent to lose on every occasion; at least the child knows that their parents are on their side.

Too many parents buy into the propagated delusion by boastful civic officials that one’s children can be safely left alone in their hands. To be fair, education officials cannot give the practicable commitment required to pursue a pedophile and blackmailer, the bullying, especially off-campus or the anonymous Internet viciousness. The material resources are not there. And even if they were, the price would be cameras in every shrub and monitoring of every web access. The economy cannot bear taxation too much greater than exists at the present moment. (There might be some room.) However, at some point, the truth of Laffer’s Curve would manifest itself.3 And state officials are warned against granting too great an emotional involvement with their clients. The drain in harboring the world’s evils would overthrow their own constitution.

Nevertheless, state officials are hirelings. They have their own turf, interests and loved ones to protect, which often conflicts with the needs of their clients. And for those parents, with worldviews contrary to the education and state establishment, such officials are the wolves, from whom we must protect our children. Parents must be their child’s best advocate. (However, be fair!)

And educators, which are after all, mere reflection of the larger society, are reckless in their promotion of a libertine attitude towards sexuality. In their superficial simple-mindedness, they seem ignorant of how deep to the core of our psyche, our sexuality pierces. Allowing that tender and vulnerable erotic component of our nature to be cavalierly treated as a toy engenders devastating psychological dangers. As much as I believe that state school systems are inappropriate places to teach sexuality; the problem is exacerbated by obtuse psychological insight of the so-called experts; unaware of the dangers of broken psychological ties and abuse which sexuality without commitment engenders.

There exists an autobahn between our genitalia and hearts. Many persons, especially males, attempt to build Berlin Walls to segregate and compartmentalize each sector. If successful, insensitivity of heart is one consequence. A wilting libido, lacking the nourishment of emotional connectedness, resulting in pursuing more deviant sexuality to maintain the excitement, is another. Sexual profligacy hurts all. But females are even more constitutionally incapable, at least in their more innocent stages of life, of handling the hookup mentality. Even liberally-approved sociological studies bear that out. They are at clear disadvantage in the power politics of the heart than their male counterpart. And those females who do master the insensitivity of heartless sexual intimacy are less appealing than a sow to any man with self-respect and virtuous passion.

There are extant pictures of Amanda Todd, at very young age, voguing in seductive pose, published by the parents themselves. This is not to say that Amanda’s youthful curiousity, sensuality and susceptibility to flatterers would not have conspired to make a devastating indiscretion. But in overall probabilities, how much does this pervasive sensuality contribute to the psychic distresses of our children?

The girlfriend and fifteen tagalongs, who punched Amanda into a ditch, were not the bullies that are being portrayed. They were enforcing a time-honoured code of behaviour. Girls do not steal other girls’ boyfriends. Even if Amanda’s narrative is true, and I believe it is; the scumbag is the boyfriend. Amanda, in her desperate bid for love and be made alive through connectedness, was merely foolish. To her credit, she acknowledged such. In the harsh sexual battlefield, young girls have anxieties and terrors of their own to bear with. Boys and men in this culture have become more cavalier with their women. And those men, who are men; feminist-controlled family courts punish unjustly, unduly and cruelly for being men. They make masculinists and misogynists of up and coming generations.

And no further amount of anti-bullying legislation or regimen is going to produce a gentler society. As noted above, societal and state resources to coercively rein in society’s ills are overstretched. Further legislation gives only appearances of action. Education sensitivity sessions were scorned in my day. They will be scorned in this day; especially because feminist dogma permeates the program. Even if school grounds could be monitored, the wilds cannot. Besides, bullying legislation has taken on the appearance of political correctness and repression of sociopolitical viewpoints, which are contrary to liberal shibboleths.

Friendship with authorities will not likely grant a person like Amanda the fulfillment of her needs. What she needed was a champion amongst her peers. And as society becomes increasingly decadent, there is hardly any hope of that, especially in secular schools; where graciousness is in rare supply and moral and social courage is undermined by the nihilism; promulgated by the educational experts. Amanda’s ‘friends’; if they did not stand by her; if the girlfriend and 2 others could say “look around nobody likes you”; they are not the kind of friends worth having. She needed a Christ-figure who could repudiate the religious and secular Pharisees of our age; declaring. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7)

I risk unfair opprobrium, because I have no designs upon the young. But was I a lad of sixteen, having seen this YouTube video, if this confession was true to her character, there would have been much to attract me. There is brutal frankness, perhaps because it was her last will and testament. And conscience! She retained her sensitivity, so short in supply in women of this age; especially in the up and coming generation. Therein her soul belies a deep and desperate passion, which would have lathered her champion with overwhelming loyalty and all consuming love. Perhaps as we age, amassed with a quill of our indiscretions and moral travesties, we are far more forgiving of the flaws and moral failings in this girl. Youth are exacting in the failings of others while astonishingly blind and dismissive of their own. Young and even old fools do not know the genuine article; cannot see past the foibles of our humanity to ascertain quality of character.

This was her suicide note. It is all written on the cards. It is odd that this had not been picked up. When I backpacked in Europe, whenever hooking up (in the old fashioned sense of the word) with another fellow traveler, I found that the conversations became deeper and more honest in the day or two before we departed from each other. Though she hoped against hope; she had made her confession and declaration. An exit strategy was that remained.

This testimony of Amanda resonates in many because of its frankness. There appears little self-justification. There screams hollowness in the soul in desperate yearning for connectedness to escape the deadness of isolation, the desolation and the cold. She became a cipher in the snow, thinking herself only worthy of the ditch, internalizing the insignificant opinions of Lilliputians to which she gave too much regard. She got caught by the cruelty of others for merely committing a few moral travesties. Those who are honest with ourselves know how unfair this seems; when we can count upon quite a few more in number in ourselves. She was so very redeemable!

By the grace of God, go I.




  1. Gillian Shaw, “Amanda Todd’s mother joins call for B.C.-wide effort to end online bullying”, Vancouver Sun, October 15, 2012,
  2. Amanda Todd, “Amanda Todd – My Story – Struggling – Bullying – Suicide – Self Harm”,,
  3. Laffer’s curve is reference to a truism that after a certain point, increasing the marginal tax rate actually reduces the amount of actual tax revenue received.















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